omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
