Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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