What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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