Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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