wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
