Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
