puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
