Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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