i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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