I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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