i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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