I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
