Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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