I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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