dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
