Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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