Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
