my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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