I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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