So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
