Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
