PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
