So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Two words: blizzard sex
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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