so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
