Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
