You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize