I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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