We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
