fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The beer is more important than you right now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize