So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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