am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
