She is in my trunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
