Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
