walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
