I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
