I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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