Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
