haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
