Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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