My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
