i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
