I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
