I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
