Why are handjobs necessary in class?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
