I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
