Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
