We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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