I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
