after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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