whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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