Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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