Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
