The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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