My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
