he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
