I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
