arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
