I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
