All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
