So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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