I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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