did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
