I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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