We won't sleep together?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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