Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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