Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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