Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
