I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
