Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize