She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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